19 Things I Learned In 19 Years of Youth Ministry, Part 8

The Scene: A fast-food lunch at the seminary lounge. A grader of one of my papers in student ministry had read something I submitted and wanted to discuss my approach. He graded me fairly (and I liked the grade) and really and truly wanted to discuss the ideas I'd set forth in the paper. It's the very best of all things grad school.

Teaching Assistant: "You can't do that."

Me: "Umm. Why not?"

TA: "They'll go crazy."

Me: "What?"

TA: "Crazy. Listen. They're already out there doing all sorts of stuff. Some of it worse than others. I mean, sure, some of them are having sex and doing drugs and drinking and all that. But this isn't about that. This is about the other stuff. The music. The movies. The books. The fashion. The places they'll go to hang out. The people they'll be hanging out with."

Me: "I really don't think so, I think..."

TA: "And don't get me started on the bad 'p.r.' Think about it, Brent. If you take the brakes off, parents will despise that approach. It's hard enough being a parent. They need you to take stands on movies, music, television, video games, clothing styles...all that stuff. They don't have time to do it, and your job keeps you in the youth culture enough where you can give solid, Biblical guidance. You can kiss job security goodbye if you teach that stuff consistently to teenagers."

Me: "But, seriously, do you think parents want me meddling in their lives that much? Maybe parents would appreciate me helping them to educate themselves on those bands, or whatever, but..."

TA: "It's giving them boundaries, Brent. Until they're mature enough to make those decisions with a better framework and Biblical insight. It keeps them out of trouble. It keeps them from the consequences of stupid actions. It keeps the parents happy and trusting you. It's career suicide. I mean, it paints a pretty picture, but it just doesn't pan out in real life church work."

Teaching "grace."
To teenagers.
I had no idea i was so unrealistic.
I had no idea it didn't pan out in real life church work.

Of course, the TA was younger than I was. He was a couple of years ahead of me in the course work and had gotten a part-time job in his first student ministry and also landed a gig grading papers. I was more amused than anything, but I always like discussing philosophy of student ministry and figured he might have a little something I could glean. I mean, I'd been with YFC for 5 years full-time & had been at my current part-time student ministry longer than he'd even been in ministry...but I know that to keep it fresh you gotta let the puppies force the old dogs to learn new tricks. Turns out this particular guy didn't want to get too far off his yard leash.

The conversation reinforced what I'd set forth in the paper: You teach what Scripture teaches. No matter what age group. And if grace is what it teaches, and it is, then you'd best teach grace. Anything else is trifling with God. Anything else is failing to be an accurate handler of the life-changing power of God's very breath.

The Scene: My church "senior recognition Sunday" program. The 9 of us stood up in front of the church and the nice people clapped and our church gave us a "Spiritual Journey Notebook"--presumably to help us out as we went off to college.

This Spiritual Journey Notebook was a curriculum from a large denomination. More or less a day planner for your spiritual life. There were tabbed dividers and it even had an order blank for "refills" on the pages.

And these pages covered it all: Prayer time...a sheet a day with two columns: one for the prayer and one to record the answer. A Bible study guide and check list...with a place to write down what you were learning. A scripture memory guide and check list. A goals and vision block where you listed all your goals: mentally, physically & spiritually. You wrote down your steps to attain those goals. Blank pages for journaling were in it. A list of church and missions organizations you were tithing to and giving to (those, apparently, are different things). That's not all that was in this book, but you get the drift.

It would be hard to argue that anything in that notebook wasn't helpful in your growth. But it didn't seem like spiritual growth. Even at that age I realized that, one, it was more or less a set of things I should make sure to check off for the day. Two, that all those things were good things. And three, it gave me the impression that everybody else was doing those things and I must be a horrible follower of Christ because I didn't do them nor did I have any motivation to do them. It seemed so...well...

...forced and canned.

To me, it was legalism in a three-ringed binder. And it did what legalism does: Defeated me.

And that's the 8th thing I learned in 19 years: Legalism, no matter how well-intentioned, will actually slow spiritual growth (if not kill it outright), and teaching a lifestyle based in His grace will actually mature any believer at any life-station.

The basic theory to me is that it is the resonsibility of every believer to speak boldly and with authority to those areas where the Bible speaks boldy and with authority, and then we should shut up where it shuts up. Francis Schaeffer said it almost that way. I paraphrased.

And you'd be amazed at all the things the Bible doesn't say.

And you'd be amazed at all the things the followers of Christ have made as personal convictions in those areas, and then set up a spiritual norm based on that in which everyone should follow. That's legalism.

And legalism kills.

Frankly, I've got bigger fish to fry in teaching teenagers than checking off "boxes" so they can measure their spiritual growth. I want to teach them about the person and work of Christ in their lives. I want to teach them that they can live a life that's truly abundant because of His mercy and grace and that their life can be an active and thankful response to that. I want to show them the fruit of the spirit that comes from a walk with the God of the Universe.

See, teaching "grace" has been set up as a straw man by those that take a legalistic approach to Scripture. They talk about it as if it's this chaotic lifestyle in which you go out and make willing choices to sin. Or the new one, that we'll all be out there thumbing our noses at God as we find "loopholes" in "gray areas" and playing a cosmic game of "how far is too far?" in these very areas.

But, I've always contended that if you teach "grace" as it's found in Scripture, well, that's far from reality. I mean, check this out, from Titus 2:

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all people. It trains us to reject godless ways and worldly desires and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, as we wait for the happy fulfillment of our hope in the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave himself for us to set us free from every kind of lawlessness and to purify for himself a people who are truly his, who are eager to do good. So communicate these things with the sort of exhortation or rebuke that carries full authority."

Teaching "grace" isn't at all about running wild in the streets, knowing our salvation is secure, and then letting it rip. When grace appeared (Christ Himself) it had outward manifestations in the lives of believers. I mean, Scripture even has a big word that discusses this tendency: licentiousness. The Bible knows this could be a possibility so it mentions, boldy and with authority, that it's sin.

But the change was always inside-out. Never outside-in.

And so much ministry to teens has been making sure the behavior's modified until such a time as they get it in their hearts. I simply have found that if you focus on Christ and their relationship with Him, the movies, music, television, video games, styles of dress and all that will eventually work themselves out.

In their own time.

In their own way. With the Holy Spirit leading the changes. And, yes, I freely admit that some "trial and error" takes place. But they'll learn. And faster than if they'd had some youth pastor telling them what to watch and what not to listen to and all that jazz. And it gives parents the freedom to set the boundaries on license for each of their children (and yes, they might be different for each child).

The spiritual life is indeed a journey. But not one in which checking off boxes for the sake of checking off boxes is the impetus.

And teenagers need to grow. The only way I know to do that is to teach them "grace." Because it's what Scripture teaches. Truth be told, it's the same for all of us, regardless of age.

Oddly enough, it doesn't seem to have affected my job security one iota. Hmmmm.