19 Things I Learned In 19 Years Of Youth Ministry, Part 4

They were polar opposites.

He had done acid. Lots of it. I got his name when I went to the principal at his high school and asked for a list of teenagers who were his biggest trouble makers. I told the administrator that if he'd let me visit his campus and hand out flyers I'd try to minister to the kids that gave him the most trouble. I held up my end of that bargain.

She was a freshman cheerleader with blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore bows in her hair. She was outgoing to the tenth power and had an infectious laugh. She went to Bible study and was active in her youth group. I met her through her older brother who was active in our ministry and I only ministered to her because she seemed to jump at every opportunity to grow deeper in her walk with Christ.

He took baby steps. Our Monday afternoon meetings started out at a confessional for him of sorts. The parties. The girls. An arrest of which the cops pulled him out of the line waiting to purchase Rolling Stones (3rd "farewell" tour) tickets "for absolutely no reason" which apparently meant throwing a punch at someone he thought was breaking in line. His parents loved him and I worked with them. There was re-hab. 3 steps forward, 2 back. Two steps forward, 5 back. It was a long year.

She was bringing people left and right to our ministry. Whenever I saw her on campus I was regailed with stories of Christ at work in and around her and at her church. Then she started wearing a junior guy's letterman jacket and if this guy's reputation around campus was half true, he was bad news. She started avoiding me in hallways and lunchrooms. Her parents noticed, too. There were polite exchanges. It was a long year.

He accepted Christ. He went to re-hab again. We met every week but it became more questions about Christ than stories about parties. A year later, right before he graduated, he paid the tip at the restaurant lunch because, "You wouldn't believe how much money you have once you stop doing drugs." He was integral in his circle of friends coming to our ministry. There were some wins and losses in that bunch, too. But we all went to a lake house for a weekend to celebrate he and all his friends were clean & sober for one year.

She came to the end of herself. There was a lot of public humiliation for her, too. She sat in our den and cried almost uncontrollably as she used our home as her confessional. We got her parents involved to help out because the situation was deep and dark and I won't detail it here...but suffice to say no one wants their child to deal with some of those things. Ever. And she was 15. But by the day she graduated, she'd experienced God's grace in truly amazing ways. The honest infectious laugh was back. The bows were back in place. The pep rallies were fun again. She had found a more humble "normal" and was truly joyful.

I lost touch with him after we moved to Texas. He had a hard time with me leaving to come to seminary. Last I heard, he was finishing up art school and had landed a job with an ad agency. Before I moved I checked with his college pastor who said he was still around and coming to small group.

I had coffee with her last summer. She's a mom now. She told me about her 10-year high school reunion. She touched base with me on the children's ministry she's serving in. She told me about her husband and her happy life. The bows were still in place...which might be the reason she's always turned me down when I ask her to speak to my high school girls about what she went through and God's transforming power. But she walks worthy, man.

What took you probably less than three minutes to read was the recounting of two full years for him. Two full years of coffees, re-hab wins, re-hab losses, praying together, Bible studies, meetings with parents, laughs, tears, calls from detention, calls from his principal, doctor visits, etc. Over 700 days of various ups and downs.

What took you probably less than three minutes to read was the recounting of nearly 19 years of friendship. It was over 700 days of tough stuff for her and her parents. Some progress. Some regress. Wedding photos have been shared. Newborn's photos have been e-mailed. MySpace comments have been laughed about. Nearly 7,000 days later she's using her gifts and talents to serve.

It doesn't matter where you start: The drug scene or a bow-head.

A lot transpires between points "A" and "B" on your spiritual journey. A lot of it common to all of us. We've all had our "drug scene" moments in varying degrees. We've all had our "bow-head" moments in varying degrees. A lot of ups. A lot of downs. That's simply how it works for all of us.

And the fourth thing I learned from 19 years in youth ministry is a quote I've borrowed from Eugene Peterson: "Spiritual formation is a slow business." It one profound understatement. I'll discuss that in more detail tomorrow.

Spiritual formation is a slow business for me personally.

Spiritual formation is a slow business for the wonderful people I serve.

Spiritual formation is a slow business for everybody.

And we'd all be better off if we had that framed and put in our offices and car dashboards and refrigerators and bathroom mirrors.