19 Things I Learned In 19 Years Of Youth Ministry, Part 6

In the last entry I mentioned that I've found two things to be key in staying in long-term student ministry...and the first one was having the perspective of a farmer. The second is closely related to that.

See, at best, you get seven years with a teenager. AT BEST.

Sometimes they move.
Sometimes they change churches.
Sometimes they get jobs their sophomore year.
Sometimes they tell their parents they "aren't being fed" and go to another student ministry (and the parents never bother to check with the folks doing the feeding, which I find peculiar).
Sometimes they just chuck the whole God thing.
Sometimes they get very good at the extracurricular things and focus their energies there.

What I'm saying is that the window of time you have with a student is limited. It's somewhere between one Sunday at worst and 7 years at best. AT BEST.

And the picture through that window is at a very interesting time in a human being's life-span: The teen years.

With teenagers you get moments of brilliance and flashes of potential. When you ask them where they got that moment of brilliance or that flash of potential, they'll respond with, "I don't know. It just came to me."

These are followed by moments of foolishness and flashes of confusion. Ask them why they did the foolish thing or what they were thinking, they'll respond with, "I don't know. It just sorta happened."

And in both cases, the "I don't know" is really the right answer. They don't know. Things just come to them. Things just happen.

So, amidst this time of life of academic challenges and social pressures and physical changes (which keep parents on edge for the better part of a decade) the youth pastor steps in and tries to help out with an aspect that usually gets relegated to 4th place on the list...AT BEST...the spiritual life.

We try. We really do.

We build relationships, which takes time. Lots of it.
We prepare lessons for our Wednesday night small groups.
We try to support parents because we know our role.
We teach Sunday School.
We plan mission trips.
We give service opportunities.
We go to their "stuff."

And in the spiritual realm we'll see flashes of brilliance.

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "You know, I think I want to take the adult version of that class. It seems like if I can get my hands around the message of God's grace, that's the key to maturing in Christ."

Or when the kid looks at you and says, "When I'm a senior, I'm never going to say stuff like that. It just isn't compassionate and I think I'll want the underclassmen to see me as a servant."

Or when the kid looks at you and says, "Can we do coffee some more? I really am intrigued by the balance between whatever you call spiritual disciplines and God's work in a life."

Or when the kid looks at you and says, "Can you fill out this recommendation for me? I'm planning on serving all summer at Pine Cove/I'm planning on attending this Bible college/I'm planning on going on this mission trip/I'm planning on attending this spiritual retreat."

Or when the kid looks at you and says, "I'm thinking about going into student ministry. I mean, I look at you. If God can use you, He can certainly use me, too. You're a wreck." (This really is cool, by the way.)

And in the spiritual realm we'll see moments of foolishness.

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "You know, I just don't think the spiritual life is all that interesting. And it's certainly no fun. I don't think I'll be coming around much any more."

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "I don't know what you're going to do when we graduate. There's no leadership behind us and this ministry will go downhill fast."

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "Thanks for trying. I just don't believe this stuff, okay?"

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "Listen, I appreciate you trying to help. But save the money for coffee because there's no need to keep this up. I'm not anti-God or anything. I just have to get all this stuff done so I can get into a good college and yearbook/band/football/drama/job/NHS."

Like when the kid looks at you and says, "I'm having sex. I'm drinking, too. So, what? I'm young and there's plenty of time for me to grow up when I get out of college and get married and have kids. I'll go to church then."

And you know what the kicker of all of it is?

They'll grow more spiritually AFTER they leave your ministry. They'll go off to the military. They'll go off to college. They'll start their own businesses. They'll learn a trade.

And sometimes, they'll be critical of you and how you do things because they've learned so much at a time when they were more prepared to receive what the Holy Spirit was teaching them. They'll make comments about where your church's weaknesses are because they've now visited other places and seen the world a bit and are aware of what's out there.

They might forget just how much you love them in those moments because those things will sting, too. Especially if they might be right. But they sting because you tried to serve the best you could at the time with the information you had at the time. And then they criticize you and your church anyway. Not in a mean way because they're trying to "help." And because they've been well taught by you to think and analyze you're secretly kind of happy about it.

And they'll also come back and tell you of their missions experiences. Their Bible college stuff they learned. Their internships. Their semester abroad. Their new church that is exploding with spiritual growth. Their new pastor who is the "most gifted teacher they've ever heard." Their new class they're teaching. Their new ministry they're serving. And because you knew how gifted they were to begin with--usually before anybody else besides their parents--you say a little prayer of thanks to God for how He's using them for His glory. Usually while they're telling the story.

And you wish you could've seen that growth first-hand.

Because your window of opportunity is at a very interesting time in the life-span of a human being. And if you don't have trust in God, you'll stay up late and get ulcers and worry way more than you have to.

But you know better. God's at work.

Which is why the 6th thing I learned is taken straight from 1 Corinthians 3:

"So, brothers and sisters, I could not speak to you as spiritual people, but instead as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready. In fact, you are still not ready, for you are still influenced by the flesh. For since there is still jealousy and dissension among you, are you not influenced by the flesh and behaving like unregenerate people? For whenever someone says, “I am with Paul,” or “I am with Apollos,” are you not merely human?
What is Apollos, really? Or what is Paul? Servants through whom you came to believe, and each of us in the ministry the Lord gave us. I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow. So neither the one who plants counts for anything, nor the one who waters, but God who causes the growth. The one who plants and the one who waters work as one, but each will receive his reward according to his work. We are coworkers belonging to God."

It's our job to plant. Someone else will water. God alone will cause growth.

And you'll plant at a very interesting time in the life-span of a human being.

But don't get worked up if someone else waters. They will. They're at a better time in the life-span of a human being.

But ultimately, neither one matters as much. We're merely human. God sees the entire life-span of a human being and is at work, causing the growth anyway.

And knowing that will give you a long time in student ministry, too.