19 Things I Learned In 19 Years Of Youth Ministry, Part 9

It was a very surreal moment.

Guy walks into The Dungeon (affectionate nickname for our student ministry room) with his middle school son. Introduces himself, "Hi. We're visiting today. I'm John Doe. I'm a five-point Calvinist."

Now, I'm not one to discuss social graces as I'm deficient in many of them, but I can't imagine this would be my opening line with anyone. Maybe I'd have tried it in my college days as I was chasing skirts since I was pretty much desperate for anything that could possibly work as an opening line, but really. This is how you introduce yourself...even in a church setting? The 100 retorts in my brain were thankfully edited.

He continued. "See my boy there? Good kid. Really good kid. And I've been drilling him on theology since he was little. Lots of parents do that with sports, and I figured that it'd be better to do that with theology. So, we started out with flash cards when he was little. Made up about 100 of 'em. Now, we've moved on to some stuff adults can't even understand. I'm telling you, you'd be really glad to have him in your group. He's already forgotten more than most adults will ever know about John Calvin."

I was editing. Either that or I was stunned. Like I said, it was very surreal. Thousand Foot Krutch blaring at full volume. Video games being played. Ping-pong. Foosball. And this dad telling me how glad I should be to have a 48-inch MiniCalvin potentially being a part of my ministry. LIke I said, it was a very surreal moment.

I just pursed my lips and my head moved like a bobblehead doll. Not exactly a "yes" or "no." Just movement. I figured I'd best say nothing.

John Doe likely sensed my lack of enthusiasm. He asked, "Did you hear what I said? I mean, the music's loud."

"Yeah, I heard you. I guess I was just comparing childhoods. I mean, when I was in middle school I was way more concerned about Dale Murphy and his ability to get the Braves out of last place."

"My point exactly," replied John. "We have to be training up the next generation to be an army of theologians who can out-think the world and exploit the weaknesses in humanistic worldviews."

My brain pictured an army of bearded, balding theologians running out of a library with books to pelt whoever might have a humanistic worldview. I took this little video to mean I'd better say something to just get out of this conversation.

"Can I ask you something? Does John Doe, Jr. love people?"

"What?"

"Love people? You know. 1 Corinthians 13. 1st fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. Book of John laying-down-a-life-for-his-friends kind of love for people?"

"Well, he doesn't have many friends in the neighborhood or at school. Most other kids aren't interested in what he's interested in. We're trying to find a youth group so he can make some and that's why we came here. We've tried a bunch and not many are serious about teaching deep theology. Why would you ask if he loved people. He's just a kid?"

"Well, from what I can gather, all that study is supposed to result in love. Not knowledge. Scripture's pretty clear on love being the end result, which will come through wisdom. So, if he's blessed with knowledge, then surely he loves Christ and loves other people, right?"

"Look, guy. I don't know what you're insinuating, but it's pretty obvious to me that you're not serious about deep theology, either. Long hair. Rock music going. More about video games than theology. Typical. Did you even go to a seminary? Isn't this the most important stuff to you?"

"Well, John, let me save you some time and me a lot of hassle. I don't think you're ever going to be very happy at Crossroads. I'd enjoy building a relationship with your kid and walking alongside him during this time and seeing if we can help him love Christ and serve others in love, but I'm not getting from you that's what you want at all. Maybe you should visit a few other places where you can be happy about the ministry."

"Give me your senior pastor's name. I'm going to tell him what you said."

I gave him the name. He went upstairs and first found another pastor...who told him that maybe he should visit a few other places. John Doe eventually found the senior pastor and asked him what he thought about two of his staffers telling such a learned and devoted family to visit other places. Our senior pastor told him he might want to think about what it is about himself that would cause two servants of Christ to tell him that in a span of 10 minutes. He never came back that I'm aware of.

But I wasn't trying to be difficult. I wasn't attempting to take some sort of moral high-ground. I was simply working within the framework of the 9th thing I learned: The goal of everything we do should be LOVE. And I do believe that I was doing the most loving thing for him at that time. Our goal isn't knowledge, although that's a part of it. Not fun, although that's a part of it. Not worship services, although that's a part of it. Love. End of story.

Well, how do you measure that? How do you know if you're hitting your target?

You observe their lives. And you look for stuff like:

Galatians 5:22: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law." I once read that it wouldn't be incorrect to punctuate the sentence with a colon after the word "love." As if those love were made from the ingredients that followed.

I Corinthians 13: 3-8: "If I give away everything I own, and if I give over my body in order to boast, but do not have love, I receive no benefit. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

Paul even told Timothy his "target" in 1 Timothy 1: 5-7: "But the aim of our instruction 8 is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith. Some have strayed from these and turned away to empty discussion. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not understand what they are saying or the things they insist on so confidently."

And there are a lot of John Doe's out there. And I'm sure he loves his son and thinks he's doing right by him and by God. And I do hope he found a church where he is loved and loving others.

But I do take my theology seriously. I just don't see how an army of seminarians will help win hearts to Christ. Seems to me that it's being a family and loving each other, warts and all, that is our best apologetic.

And highest target.