I'm Not Selling Out...I'm Buying In!

My thoughts will be all over the map today, but this all started because two middle schoolers were wearing baseball caps in the main church service.

A nice lady sought me out to tell me so. She was very polite, starting with, "Now, call me old-fashioned, but...". She proceeded to tell me how she was raised and why she thought the baseball caps were disrespectful. She wanted me to talk to the middle schoolers.

I mentioned that it might be a nice chance for her to speak with the parents of the kids and instruct the parents as to why she felt this way and maybe make a nice opportunity for the younger teens to find a way to serve.

"Now, ma'am, if you'll point the kids out to me and I'll introduce you to their parents and..."

The nice, polite lady told me that she thought it would be best if I personally handled the situation.

Now, part of me wanted to do that very thing. It would be easiest. It wouldn't cause any friction. It would simply become a non-issue because I'd bring it up, the parents would duly note my observations and do their best to keep their kids from wearing baseball caps in church...and next week two different kids would be wearing baseball caps to church.

But that wouldn't be the most loving thing I could do for this nice, polite lady. The most loving thing I could do would be to teach her a few things...

...like first of all, I'm glad those kids were in our building. And not only that, but they didn't just do the middle school thing and bail, they went to Big Church with their family. This is a good thing (frankly, I think she would've agreed wholeheartedly with this reality).
...like, since you were the offended party, you might want to handle this yourself even if the very fiber of your being is nice and polite and you don't enjoy confrontation.
...like, doing so might help you grow spiritually.
...like, maybe making a decision to approach anyone at our church on a fashion issue might be dicey. I mean, the guy you were talking to is a cartoonish bohemian with long-hair, tattoos and owns a minivan, wearing jeans and a suit coat and Drew Carey glasses. The golfer ministry has been known to wear their course clothes to the 9AM service so they can make the 10:45AM tee time. The biker ministry comes in full-blown Harley regailia (except the non-Harley folks defiantly wear their brand of biker gear and spout off about how Harley Davidsons are all rip-offs) riding their loud machines and parking together. The Cowboys were playing so folks were supporting the local football team. We're somewhat rural in our history and have our fair share of cowboys with big belt buckles and big hats (although, in true cowboy fashion, they get the hat thing and take them off and place them under their chairs). If we're going to knock kids for their fashion, we'd better get on the golfers for shorts.

In other words, be very sure of the conviction you have, and handle the matter yourself even if you're uncomfortble doing so.

I'm sure she didn't like the direction the conversation went. But she was nice and polite and listened. She didn't say anything by way of disagreement...but I think I may have pushed it too far when I said that I tend to dislike people bringing coffee into worship, but I have to put my own issues aside because the people doing it aren't pushing any envelopes or trying to offend, they just want their coffee.

Guess I should've paid attention to that styrofoam cup in her hand, huh? But really...I hadn't noticed until the words were out of my mouth. Dangit.

She left and I could tell she wasn't satisfied with how I handled it. Now I'm sure she'll make some phone calls about this. Which is fine. I guess I kind of deserve it. Actually I hope she does pursue it because it's better than just seething about it.

But today I'm thinking about a lot of things that have to do with...

...doing what I believe the right thing is (now I'm open to being instructed on it, and if I'm wrong, I can learn from her) even when the easy thing is what I wanted to do because it would cause less friction.
...picking battles worth fighting and leaving others alone.
...that spirituality doesn't necessarily imply niceness or politeness, but it's okay if it does.
...sometimes our Tribe can get wrapped around the axle about little things and lose sight of the big picture.
...love really should be our motivation rather than personal preferences.
...there's room in the kingdom for nice, polite ladies who start sentences with, "Now, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but..." and bikers and golfers and baseball cap wearing teenagers and sports fans and cowboys and cartoonish bohemian pastors who drive minivans and wear jeans with suit coats.
...how often we'll sell-out when the payoff is so little or temporary.
...what other areas do we "sell out" in?

This is too early for this kind of thinking on a rainy & chilly Monday morning, if you're asking.