The Shops At Highland Village Are Making Me Laugh Out Loud

I'm working on a theory that involves the newly opened shopping village in our community.

Exhibit A:

I'm at the large retail bookstore. Someone had recommended a book to me. One of those books for people trying to figure out what to do next. You know, like "What Color Is Your Parachute?" kind of books. This particular book is called "The Passion Test." The idea is that you go through it and it helps you figure out what you love and what jobs there are for what you love.

I looked in "self-help." I looked in "business." I looked at the "new releases." Couldn't locate it.

A clerk asks me if they can help me. Yep. Matter of fact, you can. I tell him the book title. He types it into his computer and tells me he's got lots of them and if I'll follow him he'll take me to the mother lode.

We start heading to a section of the store I generally don't browse in.

"Sir, here it is." Then he looks at me with sympathy because it's evident I need this book.

I'm trying to figure out what the look was for. My new look was confusion.

"I'll be happy to ring this up for you whenever you're ready," he said. Likely he said this to clear up the awkward silence caused by his look changing my look. He walked away quickly.

Then I realize the book has been put in the "Relationships & Sex" section, apparently because the title implies a bit more than business and career options. I'm now alone, apparently browsing in the "relationships and sex" section of the major retail bookstore. I just tighten my lips, nod up and down a few times, say "okay" under my breath, and mosey out of the store.

Not purchasing anything. Bewildered.

Exhibit B:

I'm making a purchase at another location in the shopping village right after work one day.

The clerk is looking very collegiate, and she's having a good day. She's engaging as I approach the register.

Over the small talk, her stomach growls. Loudly. And I mean loudly. So much so that I can hear it from about five feet away over the din of noise in the store.

She laughs at herself and says, "Oh, man, I'm so hungry because I haven't had a break since lunchtime and can't get to the restaurants here to grab a bite that'll get me through to to the end of my shift."

Having worked retail in a mall to put myself through seminary and been in plenty of similar situations, I thought I'd offer help from my experience: "I used to work retail, and we had sort of an agreement with the folks that worked at stores with food, and when we were rushed we could call them up and they'd just bring us something to snack on and we'd pay them later and maybe give 'em a tip or barter with a store discount."

She said, "Yeah. We do that here, too. And I tried calling [restaurant x] because those guys are always helping us out. But I got John Doe, who manages it so I had to hang up. John Doe and I used to date and then he cheated on me on New Year's Eve so that's pretty much over."

I tighten my lips and cut my eyes to the right, and then down at my shoes, I nod and kind of "hmpfh."

"I'm not even considering getting back together with him, either. I'd rather starve," she says. Handing me my receipt and my bag with stuff in it.

Okayyyyy...and I leave in silence.

Final Exhibit C:

Tuesday nights I have a quick dinner with Kid1. We slow down and catch up on what's going on in each other's lives. Sometimes it's deep and detailed. Other times it's light and surface-level. She picks the place. I pick up the tab. It works.

She picked a nice little restaurant at the shopping village, and the night's dinner conversation is a cross between deep & light. What I mean is that she was telling me about a situation in her life that was more or less routine, but she didn't realize that how she was handling it indicated to me that she's growing up. This was evidenced by her handling of it with grace and wit and charm and...well...compassion for the others involved. Like I said, it was a routine thing and she handled it in a way that seemed appropriate to her, but to me it was one of those moments you enjoy seeing as a parent.

It was toward the end of dinner and when she came to the end of the detailing, I said, "You know, Kid1, you are an amazing young lady. I'm so encouraged by what I'm seeing in you these days. You handled that situation with grace and wit and charm and...well...compassion for your friends. I'm so proud of you."

Her response: "Well, okay, Dad. That's kind of making me a little uncomfortable with you getting all of that out of a stupid lunchtable discussion with my friends." She laughed at/with me and finished with, "So, I'm going to just take my tray and dump my trash and head on up to the church, okay? You just hang out here for a minute so we don't leave together." She laughed some more and hugged me.

So, I'm trying to figure out how come I'm having all these awkward interactions...

...it absolutely cannot be that I'm socially awkward and the cause of these things, right?

Nope. My theory, since they all happened in a three block radius:

I'm blaming it on the bad karma of The Shops at Highland Village. I don't know what it did wrong in a past life, but that shopping center is paying for it now, man. Big time.

I'll need help proving this theory...so everybody...pay attention to your interactions at The Shops at Highland Village. Let me know if you see anything suspicious, okay?