19 Things I Learned In 19 Years Of Youth Ministry, Part 18

My senior pastor called a meeting.

A couple of parents were upset. With me. Not my ministry. Not my teaching. Me. Personally. They'd called my boss. My boss felt he should moderate because my version and their version were different.

And, man oh man, did the meeting start out heated. The mom was crying. The dad was trying to calm her down so she could express herself. By the time she was finished, the reason for her emotion was on the table: I didn't take her kid to breakfast on her kid's birthday and "you take each and every kid to breakfast on their birthday and it ruined my kid's day!"

One problem: I don't take any kid to breakfast on their birthday. If it's ever happened, it's been coincidental. Mom was apologetic and encouraging. It ended well...as it should've. It was simply miscommunication.

Another time, after a parent came to me to say thanks for my involvement with their child. They said they were surprised at how much time I'd given their kid given that I disliked and mistreated their older child three years ago.

Funny, too. Because I admit that sometimes kids can have a negative experience at any church, school, game, event, thing. But this kid I remembered specifically because I'd used her as an example of how perfect a welcoming situation could go and the kid could still not come to your ministry. She'd been greeted by our most friendly teen, introduced by her to several kids who had her sit with them...she laughed during the meeting, she told me that she enjoyed it, too. Later I saw her at church and she told me that "youth group wasn't her thing" and she appreciated me checking up on her.

Turns out she told her parents I was mean to her and so were the teens...so they told her she didn't have to come to Sunday School or Bible study or mission trips. But they never checked with me...until two years later when their next kid had such a positive experience.

I've been told that I teach too deep from the Bible all the time...that I should be more practical and topical. I've been told somebody started going to another church because "they needed more depth in Sunday School." Parents never talked to me...and, frankly, it wasn't depth this kid was looking for. Unless the pretty girl he was chasing was a deep thinker...which, now that I think of it, she might be. So maybe that's not the best example.

I've been told that I need to establish a better greeting system because "my kid needed to be formally welcomed, with a name tag, and given a 'buddy' to introduce them around." I've been told I need to get the staff away from the doors because "kids these days don't want to be greeted, they just want the freedom to come in and get lost--or get involved--at their own pace."

I've been told the Mexico mission changed their life. I've been told it's a waste of time and they weren't sure that it accomplished "one reasonable objective."

I've been told that my growing my hair out for charity is the sweetest thing they've heard of. I've been told that I should cut my hair to line up with Scripture.

I've been told how "refreshing" it is to have a pastor that's so "real." I've been told that my "authenticity" makes people "uncomfortable" and that I should think more about what I tell my teens.

I've been told that I program entirely too much and that our youth ministry schedule is an unreasonable expectation what with every Sunday and Wednesday night. I've been told that we don't have enough programs to keep kids and that we should add more "fun" stuff because there's "way too much Bible for a teenager to enjoy." (But it's Crossroads "Bible" Church...I mean, I think it's right there in our name.)

I've been told that our students are cliquish and that a kid who didn't grow up at CBC can't "get into the group." I've been told that this is the first time that their child has fit in any time, any where, and it's because the students invited her places and made her feel so wanted.

I've been told that I should be fired...or at least move to the west coast where "my type of ministry might fit in better." I've been told I should "pastor my own church."

I've been told that my students are the type of kids who "look down" on kids who aren't as spiritual as they are and that our ministry is a tough place for "kids to fail." I've been told that the students in our ministry are "way too into the grace thing" and have few, if any, standards.

I've been told I'm the most approachable pastor on our staff. I've been told that I'm completely rude and inaccessible.

I've been told I'm a great youth pastor who has time for any kid--from the cheerleader to the punk. I've been told I'm a terrible youth pastor who plays favorites--who doesn't have time for the cheerleader or the punk.

I've been told that the staff I've surrounded myself with are some of the most gifted and talented people they can imagine being a part of one ministry. I've been told they're a bunch of ragamuffins who pretty much goof off all the time.

I've been told that people are stunned when they hear how many seminary students, missionaries, youth workers & staffers, and the like that our church has produced through the years. I've been told that number is below what a church of our size and resources should be cranking out yearly.

And...

...you know what?

There's a bit of truth in all those statements.

I have been a little bit of each of those things from time to time. Most days I'm somewhere in the middle.

And, you'll take heat in youth ministry, brothers & sisters. You're dealing with precious cargo. And mama bears with their cubs. And that's the way it should be.

And, you'll "win" some.

And, you'll "lose" some.

And, some people will like you no matter what you do. They're "in" on you. You'll need to guard your heart with that stuff.

And, some people will dislike you no matter what you do. They're "out" on you. You'll need to develop a thick skin with that stuff.

You'd better not let the praise tickle your ears because, frankly, you're not really deserving of it, anyway.

You'd better not let the unwarranted criticisms (some of them are warranted--so listen intently when they are and act on the information lovingly given) bother you too much because you're not really deserving of them, either.

The only way to survive the warps and woofs of ministry is to do the 18th thing I learned: Live your life and do your ministry for the Unseen Audience of One. You can't live your life worried about the P.R. from your church because that ebbs and flows. Same for your ministry.

All you can do is be faithful to what He is asking you to do. All you can do is be faithful to who He is asking you to be.

And the only words that matter are, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And mere people won't have any say in that matter, one way or another.