If I Did It...

O.J. Simpson will be getting $3.5 million bucks to write a book entitled something like, If I Did It. Pretty much self-explanatory. Lawyering can work it out so he could keep that money, too, despite owing nearly 10x that amount to the families of the victims from another court case. For the same reasons I can't understand why Dancing With The Stars would be watched by anyone, I can't understand why anyone would read this or watch the accompanying television show, either.

But, since there's money to be made...

...I stole the Lindberg baby.
...You don't even want to know where I was on November 22, 1963.
...Marilyn Monroe, well, I was there, but not intimately involved (if you know what I mean).
...I worked on Amelia Earhart's plane.
...I drove the tractor that put the spaceship into Area 51.

So, if any publisher wants to pay me for a full confession for crimes "I didn't do," well, just contact me here at The Diner. I could use the cash.