*One hand pressed against the glass, phone in the other up to my ear. Watching you on the other side of the glass in your orange jumpsuit put your phone to your own ear. Saying, "Happy Birthday, Mom!"*

I'd like to officially wish my Mom, a.k.a. "Charlotte The Scar," a very happy birthday today. In true Southern Gentlemen fashion, I'd never mention the true age, but I will tell you that I genuinely hope you have many, many more.

Not many guys have a Mom that would put up with being called Charlotte The Scar and having outrageous stories made up about her and told to teenagers for more than a decade...

So, in honor of The Scar's birthday, those of you who've got a favorite Charlotte The Scar story--prison-related or not--that I made up, feel free to relate it in the comments!

P.S. Yes, we did send flowers...