I'll get to the mommies & mimosas in a second, okay?
The deal is that I'm reading The Shaping of Things to Come, by Michael Frost & Alan Hirsch. The subtitle is "Innovation and Mission for the 21st Century Church." If you've ever heard the phrase "missional" regarding churches, this book was on the forefront of that verbage/mindset.
I know.
I know.
Whenever I dive into a "professional" reading discussion, many of you turn around, exit the Diner, and wait for a discussion of almost anything else. Wait. Wait. Wait. I think you'll like this discussion.
But, this book is blowing my tiny mind, man. Granted, I'm late to the party (it's almost 9 years old now) but the stuff the authors were talking about have proven to be dead-on in my experience.
So, thought I'd give you a taste of what's blowing my tiny mind, man (even though I'm only halfway through the book). Early on, the authors describe the current situation in the American church--
--and the word they use is "attractional." The idea is that they describe as "An approach to Christian mission in which the church develops programs, meetings, services or other 'products' in order to attract unbelievers into the influence of the Christian community."
--the suggestion as to what the church should be is "missional." They describe that as "A missional church is one whose primary commitment is to the missionary calling of the people of God. As such, it is one that aligns itself with God's missionary purposes in the world."
Here's the quote for today (oh yes, we will be discussing this more in the days to come):
"Nonetheless, when we say it is a flaw for the church to be attractional, we refer more to the stance the church takes in its community. By anticipating that if they get their internal features right, people will flock to the services, the church betrays its belief in attractionalism. It's like the Kevin Costner character in the film 'Field of Dreams' being told by a disembodied voice, 'If you will build it, they will come.' How much of the traditional church's energy goes into adjusting their programs and their public meetings to cater to an unseen consituency? If we get our seating, our parking, our children's program, our preaching, and our music right, they will come. This assumes we have a place in our society and that people don't join our churches because, though they want to be Christians, they're unhappy with the product. The missional church recognizes that it does not hold a place of honor in its host community and that its missional imperative compels it to move out from itself into that host community as salt and light."
Now, this reality of this quote was highlighted to me on Soccer Sunday.
My higher-order life-liver sister Jilly and barnstorming brother-in-law get together with their friends on Sunday mornings. They set up some soccer goals in a local park and throw some soccer balls out there and their toddlers can kick 'em around or play on the monkey bars or swings at the park. Another parent sets up a table & breaks out the orange juice & champagne.
Then the hanging out commences. There is some minor kid-wrangling going on. But by-and-large, community is taking place.
These people are all intelligent, funny and interesting. They are all professionally successful by whatever stretch of that definition you'd like to use.
And their Sunday morning consists of mimosas and conversation in the park. Having been filled in beforehand that I was a pastor, the obvious conversation-starter was whether or not I was enjoying a "Sunday among the heathens." Their words.
And in very matter-of-fact terms (they certainly were interested in my line of work and asked lots of questions, too) they described their issues with "Church." They'd all tried it in various forms and had varying degrees of positive and negative experiences. They weren't angry or bitter, but to them, the negatives outweighed the positives.
Nobody...
...and I mean NOBODY...
...disliked Soccer Sunday. It was overwhelmingly positive.
And it dawned on me:
It wouldn't matter how good our worship leader is.
It wouldn't matter how much charisma and/or passion our pastor had.
It wouldn't matter how comfy our auditorium was or how good the coffee is.
It wouldn't matter how awesome our children's area was.
These people aren't coming.
Sure, other Christians might come and check us out and see our cool worship leader/preacher/playland/building might be. Some might even stay and become part of our church family.
But, trust me. The Mimosa & Mommies crowd isn't coming.
And the question struck me amidst all the laughs and kid-wrangling and great time I was having...
...what would it take to get these folks to be a part of a faith community centered around Christ?
And I think that's what is at the heart of the quote, and at the heart of the book.
So, this could be fun today, patrons.
Have at it!
*rubs hands together and waits expectantly for you to join the conversation*
10 Comments:
Good question which I am pondering. However, the first thoughts that jump into my head: love, being real about struggles, not being judge-mental. I'm wondering if your soccer and mimosa crowd had any thoughts about what would get them there? Michelle B.
Hmmm, engaging in honest and open conversation with a group of friends versus superficial politeness with a sea of near-strangers? Hanging out where one is accepted without judgement (I presume) versus a climate where the message from the pulpit and on the fancy website is love and acceptance, but the actual conversation in small study groups is quite the opposite? Yeah, I think I'll take the mimosas in the park. Just my opinion.
I'm sure I'll take crap for this...but for one thing, I don't want to be a part of a community where "believers" criticize you for what they believe to be your faults. That's the thing about the mommies and mimosas...they all really like each other and share in fellowship that is not judgmental. No one wants to be a part of a group where they are openly chided on social media over things of no consequence. Friends either ignore your quirks or are totally ok with how you are or they have EARNED the right to basically tell you to get over yourself.
The mommies and mimosas groups do things together...they read interesting books that aren't labeled Christian. They might listen to some edgy music not labeled Christian. And each member of the group is able to discuss what they like or don't like without calling the other a heretic. (Especially if they haven't even read the book or listened to the music)
But I still think that if the music is enjoyable at church, the atmospere is welcoming to someone new and the lesson is just that...a lesson where you leave feeling challenged, then maybe more would be interested in being involved and bringing others in. I see it happening with the student ministey at CBC. So ( not to suck up to you) you and Charlie are doing something right. Because you aren't doing something fancy and the kids all want to be there and bring their friends.
And the church has always fallen woefully short in ministering to single parents. Everything either involves young singles or families. I grew ip in a single parent home. I know how hard it was for my mom to find a place to fit and to serve.
Lots to think about. Thanks for sharing those thoughts from the book.
I think it begins with God putting the right people in their lives that are bold enough to discuss their issues (which they count on as excuses to keep them out of church). They need to be shown in a way that is significant to them that they are missing out by focusing on the problemswith church and not their own relationship with Him. Churches unfortunately are made up of PEOPLE (sinful, hypocritical, Christians and non Christians) who all need God in their own ways. How they get past the problems begins with the relationships they make there. But there has to be effort on the part of the church-goer. And just like exercise, eating right, etc it is easier to not do it and find fault in the gym, diet, etc. So for many people, if the church doesn't seek them, they will not make the effort themselves. Yeah for missionary Christians! Love your post!
Just realized I didn't really answer the question. I think the reason that many stop coming to church is that they are turned off by perceived judgement or hypocrisy encountered in small groups or in conversations. People want real, honest relationships. I think that we, as Christians, all need to work a lot harder at loving others and stop spending so much time worrying and ranting about the music people listen to or the "liberal Hollywood agenda" or other silly topic that frequently comes up. People won't come through the door if they feel they aren't going to be accepted.
hmmmmm....loaded question. I can only answer off my own experience and conversations I've had with others, but I'd have to say preference and judgement are two big factors. I will try to be succinct with my explanation, but bear with me because it's kinda complicated and well, personal.
First of all, preference....I always felt like there were certain compromises I had to make in order to "fit in" to churches I attended. I'm not a stranger to making compromises and frankly, I believe that life is full of compromises and don't really have an issue with that as a whole. Point one: Worship music. It's usually not my preference and I feel like I just want to rush through it so I can get to the meat (the sermon). I'm sorry, but repeating "You are Holy" 30 times doesn't make me feel closer to God and, I don't like fighting the feeling that I'm a loser and I must not get it because of that. Yes, I struggle with how silly this sounds. Point two: In our particular community churches services most often feel like a "seen and be seen" opportunity rather than a time to come together and worship. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and again, I realize that may just be me and my personal preference. I could go on, but let's move on to the big one...
judgement..... I'm going to have to continue this on a seperate post because I'm so long winded!...
I realize that humans in general can be very judgemental...nurture vs. nature? idk.
And here's why I have left the church (there, I said it and PLEASE, those of you who know me understand that I consider this a TEMPORARY hiatus)...
First there was divorce. I'm not gonna lie to ya...the church community doesn't know what to do with me out here in our little priveleged suburbs. Christians don't like divorce and believe me you get judged (even if you did absolutely everything you could think to save an ultimately bad marriage) Then, at the same time of my divorce, I sought counsel with my pastor who at the same time fell to the same issues he was "counseling" me through - adultery. Ouch. Hey, he's just as human as the rest of us, I know. But that stung.
If you've ever gone through the gut-wrenching process of divorce (and I hope you never have to) you know that you need some cradling. At church I was asked to do more volunteering. I couldn't give any more frankly. I'm a single mom with three kids. I work full-time and then some. I'm exhausted half the time and I didn't like the feeling that I couldn't give back to my church. It didn't feel right. All this coupled with an earthquake that happened at our church just seemed too much. So, I stopped attending - besides I was no longer the married unit everyone was used to...believe me I got some really un-Christian-like comments, but mostly just non-comments.
Fast forward about 5 years later and I recently ran into a fellow church member (who has since changed churches). As we talked, she asked me where I was attending church. I explained that I visit here and there, but have no regular attendance. I'm sure she meant well, but her comment that I really shouldn't do that because I "need to set a good example" for my children only left me feeling guilty and crappy. Last I checked, we are supposed to lift each other up. Now, I know that's my response, but it's the judgement of "well-meaning" Christians that kills if you ask me.
So, I think the Mimosa and Mommies crowd probably get this.
Now, having said all that...I think it's important to say that I have not turned my back on God. Just a few of His people. I can't stomach the idea of feeling fake and trite before Him. I long for an honest community that accepts all people in whatever stage of life or income-bracket they may be in. I know that's easier said than done and I applaud church leaders who desire to create a community that fits everyone. I know all the arguments of "serve and be served" and could point-counterpoint them all...believe me. I get it - just laying out my personal experience.
thanks for hanging in there with me...I know that was long (and I really don't have the gift of word - I could probably draw you a better picture), but again, that's just me
Responding to Michelle B's question: "I'm wondering if your soccer and mimosa crowd had any thoughts about what would get them there?"
My guess is the soccer/mimosa crowd wouldn't even have given coming to church a single thought, much less what would get them there.
They couldn't care less. So, what do we, as Christ-followers, do now?
Hint: I worded a question this way for a reason, "what would it take to get these folks to be a part of a faith community centered around Christ?"
I'll answer this question in tomorrow's entry. For now, want to guess, kids?
just realized we answered the question with a lot of what not to do's instead how tos...I have my suspicisions, but am looking forward to the answer tomorrow
I haven't read today's yet, but realize I made an assumption re: "getting them there" - thinking church was the "there." That isn't the case. Being a part of a faith community doesn't have to mean "church". Now, I'm off to read the next entry. Michelle B
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