Live Entertainment Today!
Patrons, I've asked comedian George Carlin to come to The Diner this morning to repeat a portion of the rant on childraising in America he gives in his new comedy special for HBO entitled "It's Bad For Ya." The special's all about the things he sees at his age about all the "B.S." he's seen lately. I've asked him to ease up on the language a bit because I've explained to him that many patrons might miss the message and focus on the vulgarities...and, strangely he agreed to do so.
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Mr. George Carlin to our live performance stage!
*patrons applaud enthusiastically*
*70-year-old George Carlin, wearing black pants and long-sleeve black t-shirt, picks up the handheld microphone and begins his trademark pacing & ranting*
"It's child worship. It's this excessive devotion to children. I'm talking about today's professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers, who are over-scheduling and over-managing their children and robbing them of their childhoods. Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children and put on Mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates." Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
...But you know something, a kid shouldn't be wasting his time with a stick anyway. If he's 4 years old, he should be home studying for his kindergarten entrance exams. Do you know about that [stuff]? Oh, they have 'em now. Yeah, yeah. There are places that have kindergarten entrance exams. The poor little [kid]. He can barely locate his [privates]. And already he's being pressured to succeed. Pressured to succeed for the sake of the parents. Isn't this really just a sophisticated form of child abuse?
And speaking of child abuse: Next stop, grade school. Grade school. Where he won't be allowed to play tag because it encourages victimization. And he won't be allowed to play dodge ball because it's exclusionary and it promotes aggression. Standing around is still okay. Standing around is still permitted, but it won't be for long because sooner or later some kid is gonna be standing around and his foot will fall asleep and his parents will sue the school and it'll be goodbye [freaking] standing around.
Now, fortunately, all is not lost. All is not lost because at least we know that when he does get to play whatever games he's allowed to play the child will never lose. And we know he will never lose because in today's America no child ever loses. There are no losers anymore. Everyone's a winner. No matter what the game or sport or competition, everybody wins. Everybody wins. Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser. No child these days ever gets to hear those all important character-building words, "You lost, Bobby."
...You know what they tell a kid who lost these days? "You were the last winner." A lot of these kids never get to hear the truth about themselves until they're in their twenties. When their boss calls them in and says, "Bobby clean the [stuff] out of your desk and get the [heck] out of here, you're a loser."
...Of course, Bobby's parents can't understand why he can't hold a job. In school he was always on the honor roll. Well, what they don't understand of course is that in today's schools, everyone is on the honor roll. Everyone is on the honor roll because in order to be on the honor roll all you really need to do is to maintain a body temperature somewhere in the 90's."
*Mr. Carlin exits graciously to polite applause, understanding that his job today is just to get the discussion going*
*Diner patrons begin discussion over coffee*
Patrons, I've asked comedian George Carlin to come to The Diner this morning to repeat a portion of the rant on childraising in America he gives in his new comedy special for HBO entitled "It's Bad For Ya." The special's all about the things he sees at his age about all the "B.S." he's seen lately. I've asked him to ease up on the language a bit because I've explained to him that many patrons might miss the message and focus on the vulgarities...and, strangely he agreed to do so.
So, without further adieu, ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming Mr. George Carlin to our live performance stage!
*patrons applaud enthusiastically*
*70-year-old George Carlin, wearing black pants and long-sleeve black t-shirt, picks up the handheld microphone and begins his trademark pacing & ranting*
"It's child worship. It's this excessive devotion to children. I'm talking about today's professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers, who are over-scheduling and over-managing their children and robbing them of their childhoods. Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children and put on Mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates." Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
...But you know something, a kid shouldn't be wasting his time with a stick anyway. If he's 4 years old, he should be home studying for his kindergarten entrance exams. Do you know about that [stuff]? Oh, they have 'em now. Yeah, yeah. There are places that have kindergarten entrance exams. The poor little [kid]. He can barely locate his [privates]. And already he's being pressured to succeed. Pressured to succeed for the sake of the parents. Isn't this really just a sophisticated form of child abuse?
And speaking of child abuse: Next stop, grade school. Grade school. Where he won't be allowed to play tag because it encourages victimization. And he won't be allowed to play dodge ball because it's exclusionary and it promotes aggression. Standing around is still okay. Standing around is still permitted, but it won't be for long because sooner or later some kid is gonna be standing around and his foot will fall asleep and his parents will sue the school and it'll be goodbye [freaking] standing around.
Now, fortunately, all is not lost. All is not lost because at least we know that when he does get to play whatever games he's allowed to play the child will never lose. And we know he will never lose because in today's America no child ever loses. There are no losers anymore. Everyone's a winner. No matter what the game or sport or competition, everybody wins. Everybody wins. Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser. No child these days ever gets to hear those all important character-building words, "You lost, Bobby."
...You know what they tell a kid who lost these days? "You were the last winner." A lot of these kids never get to hear the truth about themselves until they're in their twenties. When their boss calls them in and says, "Bobby clean the [stuff] out of your desk and get the [heck] out of here, you're a loser."
...Of course, Bobby's parents can't understand why he can't hold a job. In school he was always on the honor roll. Well, what they don't understand of course is that in today's schools, everyone is on the honor roll. Everyone is on the honor roll because in order to be on the honor roll all you really need to do is to maintain a body temperature somewhere in the 90's."
*Mr. Carlin exits graciously to polite applause, understanding that his job today is just to get the discussion going*
*Diner patrons begin discussion over coffee*
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