"Duh" Moment For Today

The American Academy of Pediatrics has finished a scientific study that proves what we already know: That parents are loading down children with overscheduling and not giving them enough unstructured time to play and dream--to be "kids."

There are quotes from parents about worrying if their kids will be up to "par" and buzzwords about "societal pressure" to "create super children" against quotes from doctors telling us to let our kids dream and play--which doctors say helps them develop problem solving skills, build relationships and discover passions.

I'm not sure I know anybody that would argue with either position.

I mean, if the kid loves football, and the coaches schedule "voluntary" summer workouts four hours a day in the summer--and the message is that if you don't volunteer to be there you'll be voluntarily sitting on the bench--well, you pretty much need to give up the free time to play, right? Or if your kid really does need to play against better soccer competition to get better at what they have fun playing, well, who wouldn't want to do that? The same could be said for drama or art or dance or journalism or yearbook or filmmaking or whatever else a kid enjoys.

The downside is that you miss a family vacation here or there. Maybe you spend an awful lot of time getting your kid to and from that activity--or kids to and from those activies. Sometimes everybody's too tired to make the family dinner hour meaningful...even if you can get a family dinner hour. The spiritual aspect, should you have religious beliefs of any kind, can become another routine activity instead of a meaningful truism.

Like I said, I doubt anyone I know would argue either point. We're in this suburban fray (and I can't speak for rural or urban viewpoints on this matter, but I suspect the discussion would be radically different) making the best decisions we can with the information at-hand.

The question becomes how do we make changes? There's a "lose" aspect in each and every decision, right? There's a "win" aspect in each and every decision, right?

I think a lot of it comes down to an understanding of parenting, really.

First, we need to realize that God loves our children more than we do. Their very hairs on their head are numbered if I read my Bible correctly. It's an issue of trust that God's plan is better than our best and most loving motivations.

Second, if I'm reading my Bible correctly, each kid is created with a "way they should go." They're uniquely individual with gifts and talents and passions and abilities and likes and dislikes. Our objective in choosing activities should be to help them discover those...we need to be students of our children instead of just piling up activities.

They're also supposed to "go." Parenting is a temporary stewardship...one in which a quarter of a century or so goes into the hard work of it followed by as many years as God gives to enjoy the fruit of your labor once they leave...but it's supposed to be a season, not a identity for the parents to revel in and re-live whatever delights from their childhood or exorcise whatever demons they're running from.

And as a side note: The hope of getting a scholarship should never be the reason a kid does something. Most of the time the money you'll spend over the long haul in travel & training & coaching would be better spent in investing in an educational fund of some sort. Now, if you view that investment as "family time" that's another issue altogether...but purely as a scholarship opporunity seems like a foolish endeavor.

I think I could go on and on, but we've got to realize that outside of minor jumps and improvements, most of us just have God-given stuff to work with. In other words, no matter how hard I work or try, I'll never be a great guitar player...there are simply limits to my talent (mainly just barre chords). There were guys that made average grades that hit home runs on standardized tests and there were folks who made incredible grades that averaged out on those same standardized tests. Bo Jackson was gifted athletically. Nobel prize winners are gifted academically. I doubt that in any of those cases they had coaches or tutors or instructors that did anything more than enhance the gifts that were already there. You can't make me a great guitar player even though I really enjoy it.

So, I guess ultimately it's a matter of perspective.

On whether or not you really believe in and trust God and what His Word says...

...or whether or not you're going to trust in the world and try to play by those rules.

But either way, we're too busy and our kids are too busy, but I'm not sure it'll be stopped no matter what.

More or less, we have to trust God and do the next thing.