Labor Day!

My first job was working on the golf course maintainence crew at Green Valley Country Club. It would be tempting as a Labor Day blog to list all those things you're supposed to learn: Like punching a time clock, or learning to deal with a mean boss, or the integrity of a job well-done...stuff like that. And, yeah, I guess you could say that I learned a few of those things that "build character."

But you wanna know what I really learned at my first job?

That when you work with a lot of your buddies and the boss gets all of your names wrong but kinda close it's funny every time. We still call each other those things 24 years later. Bill, our boss, would start the day with something like this: "Howell (Hal), you and Brett (Brent) get the sand-pro and rake the traps. Timmy (Jimmy), take This Man Right Here (Bo) and whip the greens."

That if you drive a golf cart in the rain down the hill on #10 and don't hit the brakes, when you turn into the dog-leg left, you can relatively safely do about six 360 degree spins. You can also repeat the process about 4 times before someone spotted Bill's truck on the horizon.

That 3-speed "on-the-tree" Cushman motorized carts, a night watering job for three weeks to save the greens, and 5 of your best friends can be the most fun 16-year-old guys can have and get paid for it.

That you really have to get your story straight the next morning about exactly why that 3-speed "on-the-tree" Cushman motorized cart's frame was bent beyond repair in a fairway far removed from where you were supposed to be watering. That can be the most difficult task 16-year-old guys can have after having the most fun they can have getting paid for it.

That sometimes big-wig country club members have the ability to get sod and staff to do their yards while on club time. And the head greenskeeper can get the same service for his farm. Hmmmm.

That sometimes, when you're having a hard summer that requires night watering, you have to dye the greens green to keep the club members from noticing when they drive in from the road. Also, when the LPGA comes to town and the event is on TV, you get the dye out, too.

That golf courses are big enough to take your 3-speed Cushman out to a wooded area and take a nap after the boss assigns you a "busy work" job he'll never notice gets done or not.

That you should never put regular gas in a deisel powered engine, or vice-versa. Although I didn't personally do this, Timmy created quite a stir one afternoon in which our boss thought the tractor might actually explode. We could've only hoped as the tractor sat in a fairway, running, while we watched from about 100 yards away.

That few things will get your heart rate up faster than hitting a den of snakes while using a weed-eater around the creek.

That we were supposed to put all the balls we found (about 2 dozen a day or so) into a box in the shop. Bill sold them to club members. Hmmmmm.

The boss can put shop gas in his own car every day. Hmmmmm.

The boss would say things that you can't laugh out in front of him but can laugh hysterically 30 seconds after he leaves, like, "Howell, if that's a straight line then my butt's a Chinese typewriter." We'd re-use said phrases as often as they'd remotely fit into any discussion. You'd be surprised at how often they would. I've still got no idea what a Chinese typewriter would even look like but I don't think my visual idea is correct.

That if you're doing some work behind a green and a golfer comes looking for his lost ball, he'll give you $5 to throw it for him to get a better lie that'll give him a chance to win his $100 Nassau. And hurry up because the other cart's coming.

That there's an art to finding out where you can, ahem, relieve yourself outside while staying out of view of the golfers.

And, now that I think of it, those things did "build character."

So, what was your first job and what did you learn that wasn't necessarily what you were supposed to learn?