Festivus Comes Early

Those of you well-versed in Seinfeld lore already know about Festivus.

Those of you who aren't, Frank Costanza invented a holiday because none of the major religions "fit" what he believed..."Festivus for the Rest of Us," says Frank. There's an episode dedicated to the celebration in which bits and pieces of Festivus are revealed, but yet, little explanation of it are given. For example, there's a Festivus Pole. There was supposedly a Festivus Miracle. After the Festivus Meal (which is celebrated on December 23--consisting of spaghetti & red sauce) there is an exhibition of Feats of Strength.

But Festivus kicks-off with the official "Airing of Grievances." This is where you can pretty much tell off individuals or society how they've angered or disappointed you over the last year...

...well...

...I'll stay away from the individuals (although I suspect that'd be the better blog topic) and stick to soceity at large, but, today, I'm kicking off the Festivus season early. If Target can start putting out Christmas stuff, I can kick off Festivus.

I shall commence with the Airing of Grievances:

One should NOT park on both sides of the street at the local park during you child's sports practice. Our cars can't navigate during the late afternoon. Park only on the side of the street closest to the park...if that's full, park on the several side streets and walk.

One should NOT block an intersection trying to get through the light. I don't care if it's rush-hour or whatever, but when you sit there in the middle of the intersection you block the rest of rush-hour traffic.

One should instruct your children that iPods & hand-held gaming platforms have no place at church services or Sunday School classrooms. Especially when you complain that other children aren't "accepting" your child and they "aren't making friends" here.

Cell phones should be turned off during movies, during sermons, during classes and text messaging should cease and desist during those times as well. Oh yeah, teens, drop the attitude when told that. Parents: Reinforce that. Also, there are headsets and such for driving, so everybody that doesn't have those features cease and desist all cell phone usage. I've had enough near misses lately.

Telemarketing should be outlawed. I ignored 12 phone calls yesterday. 12.

Auburn fans should tap the brakes on the grumbling and backstabbing. The bottom line is that we have a coach that's won 33 games and lost 5 in the last three years, we've beaten Alabama 5 times in a freaking row and even if the hated Crimson Tide has things going their way right now (that pendulum swings back and forth over years, or sometimes decades anyway) they still aren't the Auburn Family. And I'd rather be loyal to a coach who we treated poorly and he stayed with us and to a team that will always relish being the underdogs in a system designed to slight them (re: 1983 & 2004) than to be a part of the Bama Nation. They hire mercenaries as coaches and feel entitled. War Eagle, folks. And remember, life's better in orange and blue, even in a down year (but frankly, the future looks quite bright with all the freshmen & sophomores we're playing).

Please understand that there's nothing really going on behind-the-scenes at our church that you haven't already heard...but even if there were (Elder Board meetings are "public"--anyone can attend) don't you think I'd have the integrity not to discuss things that aren't ready for public consumption yet?

Retail establishments & banks should get back to the business of customer service. I get awfully tired of being told--even inadvertantly--that I'm free to take my business elsewhere as I'm truly discussing a situation with a manager. The Manager-On-Duty last night literally told her employee she needed to handle that situation herself because "I have to get back to home theatres NOW" even though it was obvious that the college kids were having a "rush" and the other nice lady was truly respectfully asking a question about the nature of her service plan and why it wouldn't cover it.

Don't drive through our church parking lot because the traffic on the main thoroughfare is backed up and you're trying to save time. We have lots of little kids who walk through there and moms who can't always wrangle them as safely as they might like. Just wait patiently or leave earlier.

Well...as you can all see, Festivus came early and even though I could air more grief, I'll open the floor to the Diner Patrons. So feel free to join in, and Happy Festivus!