So, Today I'm Thinking...

...that when I drive by the new DART rail station in Highland Village, I can't decide if the parking lot is big enough or not. I mean, it might get used a TON. It might not get used at all.

...that the morning paper wasn't delivered. I clicked the new web page section for subscribers and let them know at 7:34am. The clock is running to see how fast it gets here.

...that my daughters have the most interesting friends.

...that I hope the people at my church who whine on blogs/Facebook incessantly about the President of the United States are spending AT LEAST as much time praying for him. I don't hold much hope for that, though.

...that, while I'm being politically theological, most Americans don't balance their political/theological positions on the reality that the current political state of Israel may or may not be the Israel that is mentioned in Scripture. I mean, before 1945, how would some of those passages have been interpreted?

...I'm having a hard time getting into baseball season. I haven't even been to a game yet and we're past 1/4th of the year.

...the current school district calendar goofs up summer and is really a waste of time. I mean, the kids haven't done much by way of education since the end of all the standardized testing and they are being entertained for TWO MORE WEEKS of attendance for things like movies in class and field trips to Six Flags. I think it's safe to say that classes should end and the graduations take place no later than the first week of June. Everybody's in vacation mode mentally.

...I know I'm in vacation mode right now since my old grill rusted through and I need to get a new one today.

...that I have watched the Auburn victory over Oregon for the National Championship of college football on DVD several times now, and it's like a fine wine. I think I'll appreciate it more the further removed from it I get.

...that I can't say what I really want to say in this forum. Like there's a certain local ministry that failed me recently with regard to one of my students and there's no excuse for how they handled things. But, alas, I'm much better served handling this behind the scenes. Rest assured I will, certain local ministry. Rest assured I will.

...that Frank Turner's new CD is coming out June 7 and I can't think of a release I've been looking more forward to.

...that I'm halfway to my weight loss goal I set 10 weeks ago, but I've hit that time when your body gets used to the routine and so I've hit a plateau. Just means I gotta ramp up the game, right?

...that, when I added some yogurt & the flavors I wanted to a shopping list, Kid1 said, "Dad, none of your yogurt is fruit. All of them are flavored like pies."

...that it's funny what your kids remember. For example, when my girls were younger and were having friends sleep over, I'd get chocolate donuts with sprinkles and a big box of doughnut holes and chocolate milk for breakfast. I haven't done it in years. But there were a lot of friends who found their way to our home overnight two nights ago, and the first words from Kid2 upon waking up to fending for herself for breakfast food were, "What, Dad? No donuts and chocolate milk?" I didn't know we were still doing that. Apparently we are: I fulfilled the request the next day.

...that I think I've got another week before the crowds die down and I make a run to In-N-Out Burger that just opened here in the Dallas area. I'll definitely have to buy t-shirts that have "Texas" below the logo for my family that lives in California.

...that I've been reading a lot of good books lately. I should post more quotes. Do you people still like that?

...I wonder if anyone still reads The Diner, anyway.

Interview With My Daughter, Final Entry

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

And, for those of you interested, you can check out Kelsey's personal blog with lots of her art and thoughts...

Question 6: What did your dad do for you as a daughter that you would encourage other pastors who have daughters to do?

"I could write a book on this question. There are a lot of really hard realities that come with your father being a pastor: even more with being the daughter of a pastor.

First, my father never made a single comment about my appearance. At times, I find the flaw in this as that I feel that he was much more affirming of my sister's appearance than of mine.(This of course being because she looks exactly like the woman he fell in love with). But now my approval idol is showing. The beauty of my father never talking about our appearances, is that my father never made Christianity legalism on any front. Seek God. That was the rule. If I wanted to wear a tiny little bikini, well, he may not have liked it, but my spiritual growth was more important.

Secondly, my dad respected me. As an intellectual, as an adult, as a child, and as a fellow believer. Never was my opinion discounted because I was young, but more importantly for me, never was it discounted because I am a woman. This is less applicable to less traditional churches of course. But I have met SO many pastors daughters who are always talking about submission: to boys, to their fathers, to members of authority. But my dad made it really clear who I am to submit to. I submit to the Lord. I seek Him. This will lead me to follow my father's wisdom, and to listen to the wisdom of my future husband. However, he never devalued me. He never taught that because I am a woman I am weaker or less important or less valuable.

Finally, he pursued me. In what my father considers an act of rebellion and I consider spiritual growth (haha), I have recently switched my perception of theology. I've become a Calvinist, which I guess is why this is so important to me. My father pursued me as his daughter and as a woman in ways I cannot even express. He loved me, he served me, and he went out of his way to make me happy. My father, for a time, went to coffee with me once a week just to talk to me and know me. He approved of me when I made mistakes, and he loved me when I failed. He was able to counsel me and teach me and admonish me because he understood me. The absolute most important thing a pastor with a daughter can do, is pursue his daughter the way Christ pursued you. Go after her. Learn what makes her tick, and what the desires of her heart are and you will be able to minister to her and provide her with wisdom better than anyone else."

Well, there you have it...I hope you enjoyed it. And thanks for being a good sport, Kelsey! It was pretty cool (and, well, truth be told) as well as kind of scary to have the reality of your parenting put out there largely unedited.

And, if any of you are wondering, she said she'd use the same word she used on Tuesday if she were ever on a stage at a big ministry conference. What I wouldn't give to see the reaction of 5,000 evangelicals at that moment! :)

Interview With My Daughter, Part 5

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

And, for those of you interested, you can check out Kelsey's personal blog with lots of her art and thoughts...

Question 5: What are the spiritual traits of your parents that you decidedly want to emulate even as you make your faith your own?

"My mother has the spiritual gift of hospitality and I think maybe also encouragement. She has dealt with teenagers in her house since 1988 and there is no sign of that EVER stopping. She is gracious and open and loving to them, and its incredible. I'd take that kind of selflessness in a heart beat.

My father has wisdom and discernment. But the trait he has that I am the most jealous of is his passion for the Word. My dad knows the Word. He reads every day, whether he wants to or not. He analyzes and he breaks it down and he knows his stuff. I'd love to have that kind of desire."

Tomorrow is the last one!

Interview With My Daughter, Part 4

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

And, for those of you interested, you can check out Kelsey's personal blog with lots of her art and thoughts...

Question 4: What attribute of God does your mother best exemplify that you learned from her? Which attribute from your father?

"When I look back at growing up in my parent's house, and I remember all of the really good times and really hard times I had on Prairie Creek Drive, I remember mostly sitting on the kitchen counter, and my mom's hugs. My parent's are not touchy-feely people. They do not hold hands, and have still yet to see them kiss. I, however, am, and I think my mom really understood that about me.

In 2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4 Paul writes, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

In this verse--I think--Paul is talking about spiritual comfort, and there is no one better at that in my life than my mother. While she may not be a bible scholar or a questioner of deep theological questions, Tracy McKinney loves the Lord and his comfort in her life does allow her to comfort me through all afflictions. I may not tell her every single trial in my life, but I am always grateful when I share with her because she is so good at speaking truth to me, and hugging me all the while.

Sometimes when I read the Gospels, I am reminded of being a little kid. To say that my father reminds and is an active representation of who Jesus is in my life may be a little bold, but nonetheless true. My father shows me that the lord is wise, and just. Jesus was hard on his disciples but it was only because he wanted for them to understand truth.

In the gospel of John, Jesus tells the same stories over and over again, and the disciples in their sin and small minds, cannot understand him. It's funny because when I read this question, I thought I would talk about how my Dad taught me who God is, but he didn't really. My Dad shows me, actively and forcefully who Jesus is. He forces me to learn and to reevaluate and to focus. He does not let me tell myself lies or be fooled by the ways of this world. He is constantly correcting me and reinforcing and drawing in the sand while he waits for me to catch up. He disciplined me in ways that I could not understand, but that were of the Lord and that I came to understand."

2 more to come!

Interview With My Daughter, Part 3

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

Question 3: What do you wish the church knew about your father that they probably don't see or know?

*warning: strong language alert. I asked her if she wanted to change it, and she said that it was precisely the word she wanted to use.

"No one except a pastor and his wife and children really understands the shit pastors go through. No one. I don't care how many books on pastoring a church, or leading a congregation you've read, you don't understand. I have heard, time and time again people devalue or fail to recognize the worth of my father's job. Nothing will get me angry faster.

When a normal man goes to work he works 40-50 hours a week and then goes home to his family and is there. He gets vacation time and he has hobbies. My father works 40 hours a week in the office, but the job never ends. The books he reads (85% of the time) are to make him better at his job. He is constantly bouncing new ideas for creative ways to do ministry and his job never stops.

I know some of you reading this blog are saying, "I work a lot. I work 70 hours a week and do not sleep and fight with my wife/husband AND go to church." But that is exactly why you will never understand. You do not know what it is like to have church be your job. There are politics and there is, of course, sin. Pastors do not get the spiritual refreshment from a church service that everyone in the congregation receives . Pastors do not take breaks from their jobs. Because they are responsible for your spiritual life before God, when you call--at 2 in the morning and while they're on vacation--they answer.

That being said, you get their best. My father works for his people. He shepherds his sheep. He loves his high schoolers and his people. He is absolutely phenomenal at his job. And he will work until he runs himself into the ground working. Note that this may not be true for all pastors, but it sure is true for my father. You, as his patrons, get his best. So when he is frustrated and grumpy and burnt out at home, we understand. But that doesn't make it easy. He needs encouragement and community as much as you need him to build it for you."

3 more to come!

Interview With My Daughter, Part 2

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

Question 2: What role did the church community play in your spiritual growth?

"As a pastor's kid, your parents can only have so much influence on your spiritual growth. For most kids in the church, they have parents and a youth pastor and adults in the church. But as pastor's kids, it is the other people in the church that raise us and teach us and show us. Your parents are still your parents, and on top of that, the person reminding you, admonishing you, and teaching you, is also your parent. I, as a result, managed to barely learn anything from my parents. Which is a shame since they are so great.

For me, it was the people in the church who loved me and loved my parents who really helped me grow. Having women who will pour into you even if you aren't their kid, or even in their bible study, will show you the love of God better than anything else.

There is an old saying that says "it takes a village to raise a child." Nothing is more true for pastors kids. I was raised by Brent and Tracy McKinney. True. I was raised by The Riskeys, and the Hayes' and the Davises and Shuffeilds, and the Egberts and the Stevensons, and the Semmelbecks, and the Messerlis and the Gelnetts and the Lees and those are just the ones I could think of in 10 seconds. I was raised by a village of people who loved my parents and loved me. They showed Christ's love.

The reverse, and much harder, side of this truth though is not very pretty. I lost a lot of those families around my sophomore year of high school and that was the greatest time of spiritual apathy I have experienced thus far in my life. When I lost my secondary parents, and all I had were my real parents, I had no one discipling me and I became apathetic. It's dangerous putting your child in the hands of a village, but for me at least, I am so grateful my parents did.

4 more entries to come!

Interview With My Daughter, Part 1

So, I was at a conference in Atlanta for work and at one of the main sessions, they interviewed the children of well-known ministers about how their parents fulfilled their roles as parents...

...so, I stole the idea from them, recorded the questions and asked my oldest daughter (the youngest declined, wisely, because she still lives in this house & goes to that church) to respond to them. She did, and I'll ask the questions and have one entry every day this week.

Question 1: What do you think your parents did right?

"I think my parents are a great team. I often thought, as a child, that if one of them were to leave or die or disappear, our whole family dynamic would have collapsed. This, I still think is true.

There are two things that I think my parents did absolutely brilliantly. The first is that they were always on the same team. If my dad said no, my mom did too. They consulted each other and they worked and lived in community. Through their interactions they provided a biblical example of not only what a marriage should be, but what biblical community looks like. They never fought in front of us unless it was about something trivial like who was better at Mario Kart, and that only strengthened their connection in my head.

The most important thought process I learned from my parents though, is the idea of Grace. My father, from the stage and from his really old and tattered rocking chair, taught Grace from the beginning. He believes that Christ is the only thing necessary for salvation, that the Lord forgives and that grace is undeserved and free.

Had I only ever listened to my Dad speak on Sundays about this truth, I would have understood it, but the way my parents parented me is what helped me to really and deeply understand the concept of grace. I messed up a lot as a daughter. Not in "big" ways, but I sinned against my parents more times than anyone could count. Yet, over and over and over they forgave me. Were there consequences for my actions? Absolutely. Did it break their hearts to see me fail? Yes. Did they love me even more despite my failure? I have no doubt. I will never be legalistic because of the great Grace that my parents exemplified in their parenting of me. For that I am eternally grateful, because in legalism we all fall short."

5 more to come!