Hypocrites: More Thoughts From The Book "Essential Church"

In a lot of ways, the church is an easy target for outsiders to point fingers. We've all run across our share of Christians who are closet (or living room) racists. We've seen our share of Christians who put a behavioral/moral/churchgoing parenthetical get-out-of-jail-free card around their four years at university because they're only young once. We've seen seminary students exegete God's word beautifully but don't see their own gluttony/gossip/materialistic ways. We've all had run-ins with the self-focused militant closed-minded dolts who spout rhetoric they read on a bumper sticker that hurt and alienate others. We've seen culture wars vociferously fought that reduce a walk with Christ to mere political involvement. We've seen pastors, famous and not-so-much, fall in sexual sin, financial "irregularities," and addictions far and wide. And don't get me started on the Bunco Mom Gossip Girls or Submission Focused Abusive Husbands/Fathers we've all heard about. I could go on.

We've all seen it.

Inside and outside our Tribe. It's been duly noted and well-documented. Hypocrisy among believers is newsworthy.

And, granted, I've seen (and in some cases, experienced) the living Christ transform the hearts of closet racists. I've seen college students repent from unwise choices their freshman year. I've seen seminary students hearts move from fire-and-brimstone judgmental attitudes to compassion for the sheep & humility/meekness for themselves. I've seen the closed-minded open up soup kitchens. I've seen people love our nation enough to humbly involve themselves in the political process in meaningful and compassionate ways. I've seen pastors recover from addiction, repair things with their families/wives, and repay debt and continue in Kingdom work in ways they never imagined and more effectively than behind a pulpit. I've seen Bunco Moms ask forgiveness from their children and Submission-focused husbands weep at the damage they've done and tenderly kiss their wives/hold hand with their toddlers.

Sometimes the finger-pointing hypocrisy of outsiders is merely 10-seconds of an hour-and-a-half movie of the journey from lost to found. Those stories aren't necessarily noteworthy or documented at all. A live well-lived isn't really news.

What I want to talk about today is much more subtle than the obvious. Again, the Rainer's (authors of the book that got my thoughts going) highlighted something we'd all likely agree with: The role of parents as young people drop out of church. here's a few of their words that capture the spirit of that chapter:

The problem begins a little closer to home. Perhaps one of the most dichotomous results in the research study involved the attitudes that children perceive of their parents. On the one hand, parents have the potential to help keep students in the church. They, as much as any other factor, can help guide an shape their children to become spiritually mature and active in a local body...

...Children are told positive things about the church, but then these same children do not see the church as essential in the lives of their parents. What they hear from parents concerning spirituality and what they see in their lives are two different pictures...

...But our research uncovered a strong link between teens assimilating in the church and the actions of parents. In other words, it isn't enough for your children to hear from you that church and spirituality are important. Parents must show their children that church is essential to the entire family.

And I started thinking about my own parenting when the girls were younger.

There was a concerted effort to grab The Storybook Bible every night after the mandatory Dr. Suess story or 5. Moses and Paul were my girls favorites.

There was a concerted effort to pray by the bedside every night. Who doesn't love listening to little kids pray, man?

There was a concerted effort to get them to church every Sunday. Early on, our church moved to evening services and our leadership hammered away at our members to come to the night services to make room for all the visitors in the morning. So, while we weren't necessarily geared toward the morning rush (the McKinney women enjoy sleeping in) they were pretty much at church every weekend at one service or another.

There was a concerted effort to have them at the Wednesday night children's deal. At one time we had the added stress of ironing on patches to a vest as they earned them by memorizing Bible verses. It got easier on us when they got to the group that added plastic jewels to a pin-on plastic crown.

There was a concerted effort for us to get to mini-church every other week. Our group payed Meredith in advance to babysit, so since we'd already spent the money, we might as well rally and go and use it, right? Plus, we really enjoyed the folks in our mini-church so it wasn't all that hard to get motivated to go.

Then came softball season...and dance recitals. And school requirements and extracurriculars of all sorts. And friends.

The all-day-at-the ballpark tournament or 30-hours of rehearsal took the wind out of our sails for mini-church. We were too tired to go and the girls were exhausted. Payed up or not, we weren't going to rally and Meredith could just keep the cash.

Games or an added class knocked out a few Wednesday nights here and there, keeping them from getting their perfect attendance patches ironed on.

Every now and then a long weekend would require a recovery day and a day-long Gilmore Girls pajama fest would keep the ladies home (occupational hazard: Pastors pretty much work on Sundays, so I never got to be part of the lounging around--not that I would've anyway...just saying is all).

Let's be honest, sitting next to a 15-year-old reading any kind of story before bed seems awkward--for both of us. And those times of prayer? Let's just say that the things a 17-year-old girl with a serious boyfriend might need/want to pray for might not be the kind of thing that's cute to a father's ears and leave it at that, okay?

Not a free-fall into seances and witchcraft and heroin use, mind you. I simply wonder if my fathering of teenagers is sending a mixed message of sorts. Because I've seen the subtleties first-hand for over two decades now. Stuff like:

"Little Jimmy has to sell his spot to the spiritual emphasis retreat this weekend. Their coach signed them up for a tournament at the last minute and, well, they made a commitment to the team."

"Could you delay the bus leaving for the service project from 6:00 to 7:00PM? They have band practice and they don't get out until 6:30PM." (To which, I told her I'd be happy to, provided she went to the band director and asked him to end practice early so her child could make the bus. If the director said "no," I'd agree to wait. She said, "I'm not going to ask him that. His practices are IMPORTANT if they want to win the state championship!" Hmmm.)

"We're making Little Johnny get a job, and they're making him work Wednesdays and Sundays...so he can't be at Bible study or Sunday School. And, he's too tired to come to morning services. Can you disciple him every week before breakfast?"

"Can you move Sunday School back an hour and a half? Sundays are our family's only day to sleep in, and he needs his sleep."

"You can go to Wednesday night small group AFTER you've done your homework, Missy." (Why is the choice between homework and Bible study? Why not homework and sleep? You'd be amazed at the efficiency they get when they know they're going to lose precious sleep instead of leisurely getting to the homework while chatting on Facebook with their friends for 3 hours.)

"Listen, Brent. Little Jilly has a chance for a big-time scholarship, so we've hired a personal trainer and private coach to get her the best chance possible. She might even make the U.S. developmental team. So, she won't be coming to CBC for Tuesday night discipleship anymore. Or most Sundays we're out of town, too. What can we do to help her grow spiritually?"

"Our jobs keep us hopping. I know we haven't been to CBC services in six months and we haven't ever been in a Sunday School class, much less a mini-church. And, I can't make any of the women's studies and 6AM men's studies are just too early for my husband. How come Little Timmy doesn't want to come to youth group?"

"No, we really don't discuss the sermons. Who has the time and my kids don't really like talking about Jesus and religion anyway? And, well, I don't enjoy reading the Bible. I just don't have time to pray with them. I've never been much for that, either."

"We go to Church X for the worship, Church Y for the cool fellowship nights, Church Z for their amazing small groups, and Church Q for Bible classes. We're really getting fed, man. A lot." (please tell me you can see the hypocrisy of this, patrons).

"Our family really doesn't have time to serve. It's all we can do to get to church for one hour a week. We'd love to serve. We just don't have time in our busy lives." (yet, when their kid needs NHS service hours, they manage to find the time)

It isn't easy, parents. Our kids are watching us to make sure our message and actions line up, even in the most subtle of ways. Sure, we might be good moral families and such. We're not getting drunk or having affairs or embezzling money or abusing our spouses. They see that. We're just people who are trying to make a living and do the best we can.

But we need to be aware of the messages our kids are getting from us inadvertently.

And, yes. I'm aware that I'm a professional Christian...which has it's advantages in parenting. I mean, they see me pray in public a great deal. They see me studying the Word. They even see my devotional Bible move from place to place in my den (or not move, depending on how well things are going for me spiritually). The know I lead an e-team of guys. They have had the luxury of a dad who works in a job where they know my ministry to my family is primary, so if I need to knock off early to get to the game or spend time with my family, it's actually encouraged. I wonder if my kids would be so open to their service roles in our middle school ministry or their Wednesday night small groups or church service attendance (at our church) or mission trips or having the luxury of "church family benefits" (like older couples being "surrogate grandparents" or being willing to help out in all sorts of ways because they care about me) because they've been at CBC for nearly a decade and a half. So, I'm not so sure I'm a representative sample.

Disclaimer #1: Please don't mistake the above paragraph as meaning that it's all roses for the McKinney family and McKinney daughters. We've got plenty of warts, skeletons in closets and recesses I'd rather not share in this arena. My family already has enough of a fishbowl to live in. This is just another part of the aquarium decor.

Disclaimer #2: Please don't mistake current status of parenting as anything more than 10 seconds of a hour and a half movie. Plot twists and turns can come any second now. This reality is well-understood by Management.

But, what I'm saying in a gazillion unnecessary words is that if want our children to value church as a family...and an essential part of our lives...an essential part of living life as it was meant to be lived...

...we have to live that reality out in...

...our jobs...
...our families...
...our attitudes toward academics...
...our attitudes/action regarding extracurriculars and jobs...
...our use of gifts in helping the Body mature...
...our taking advantage of the gazillion opportunties to grow in the Lord...
...our personal spiritual lives and interconnectedness...

...because they are watching us.

And it's much bigger than being good, moral, law-abiding Americans.

Because the devil really is in the details.