My Adult Crusade Here

Call it whatever you like.

Maybe it's the old youth pastor in me or whatever, but it always made me crazy to listen to adults use whatever forums and platforms they have to bag on teenagers and teenage culture. It always sounded to me like grumpy old people having a bad case of "good old days" syndrome so I have no idea how it sounded to them.

But they did it. Failing to realize that they tuned them out just like we tuned our parents out.

And they did it again today in the local neighborhood section of the local paper. It's a "sound off" kind of column which puts faces of local teachers and homemakers and business folk and other concerned citizens and they each get a sentence or two in which they can opine.

Today's topic was "Your Teenage Crusade Here." As if that wasn't bad enough, the respondents were boringly maddeningly predictable: Pull your pants up. Use good grammar. Get good haircuts. Don't have sex, but if you do, be responsible. Respect your elders. Don't smoke. Volunteer (when in reality, they're forced into more volunteerism than adults). Don't get tattoos.

Puh-leeze.

So, here at The Diner, I'm all about "My Adult Crusade Here."

Live Out Your Convictions: If your spiritual life is truly the most important thing to you and what you want to impart to your children, then live them out yourself. Don't load your weekend up with tons of activities and then talk about how tired you are and just need a break so you can't go to minichurch or church services. They make the disconnect, folks. When you say things like, "You can go to youth group/Bible study/spiritual growth activity after you finish your homework." Or that after the extracurricular activity they've got to get their homework done so they can't go to the youth group/Bible study/spiritual growth activity...well, they just learned that it isn't the most important thing. How about making the choices between sleep and homework, rather than homework and church. Or between computer time and homework. Or video games and homework. They pick up when church is the last option.

Shut Off Technology: We've become the ones that drive while talking on cell phones. We're the ones who turn on the DVD player while running an errand and have the kid in a car seat. We're the ones who let them text message in church or small group meetings. We're the ones who let them play the PSP while taking the family to breakfast. We're the ones who let them come into the house and veg for an hour in front of a computer screen. We're the ones who let them iPod the world away in the classroom. We're the ones who build restaurants with (literally...I counted) 12 HDTV's within clear view of my seat. Maybe we should let them see us put the cell phone away and turn the visual/audio stimulation off and communicate that the time with you is the most important time.

Be The Grown Up: Sure, we all like to be carefree and enjoy life. Keep the top down and the music up and dance and sing and make out like crazy with your spouse. There are times for all of that and more. But there are also times when the most loving thing we can do is discipline our children. If I hear one more parent say they want to be their child's best friend I think I'll puke. Be a parent. Your job isn't to trust them or to have them like you. Your job is to show the most love you can, which might mean saying no or not giving them lavish gifts or not trusting their human nature and checking up. Sure, it's more work and we aren't liked as much...but that's the role we chose to undertake. You can be friends after the quarter century of involvement you signed up for.

Remember They're Watching Every Move You Make (And Making Judgments): When you cut through the church parking lot to save three minutes or cross the double line into the HOV lane rather than waiting the quarter mile or bad-mouthing the administration/teacher/pastor or treating the clerk like dirt or lying or being a lousy spouse or living materially or whatever...they're watching it all, man. And when they see hypocrisy, they may not say anything, but it is all duly noted.

Stop Fighting Kids Battles: Follow chain of command...which usually involves letting the kid approach the teacher when they presume an unfair grade. Don't believe your kid when they come home with stories about the teacher or youth pastor or coach--take a deep breath and remember that there are two sides to every story. Sure, your kid will get screwed here and there. But the world's an imperfect place. Screws fall out all the time. They'll have spouses and bosses and kids to deal with and it's better they learn now to fail and deal with their own heart and develop integrity, even if it means a lower grade or they don't get to start or they didn't get to go on the trip.

Stay Alert: Sometimes, your children lie. And steal. They have human nature, too. While we don't like to think that about them, they're selfish beasts who aren't the innocent angels we desperately want them to be. You better bring your "A" game to the parenting stadium every day. Somebody's kids are out there doing drugs and having sex and bullying and all that jazz. Why are we so quick to think that they aren't ours?

Don't Condescend To Teenagers: Their world is stressful enough. You don't like it when those who have authority condescend to you, so don't do it to them. Teach them to think. Their brains haven't developed fully yet and they need help. That doesn't make them stupid or less valuable, that just makes them inexperienced.

Oh, man...

...I'm just getting started.

I thought this would make me feel better...

...but it just got me more worked up.

So, I'll let you take it from here.