Book Review: Going All The Way, by Craig Groeschel

I heard about Craig Groeschel through a subscription service where I receive 8 or so books per quarter that are geared toward twentysomethings. One of his previous books, Confessions of a Pastor: Dropping the Pose and Getting Real With God, was included in the mix earlier this year.

In that book, the author discussed his role in the multi-site (or "satellite") church movement...and, since I'm curious about the effectiveness of ministry methods, I was drawn to the reality that he's at the forefront of using technology as a part of ministry. You can find out more about his Oklahoma City based church, at Lifechurch.TV. I also liked his blog and linked to it at left.

One blog entry said they were looking for fellow bloggers who would be willing to review his new book, Going All The Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Goes the Distance...and, in return, they'd be willing to give you one for free and pay for shipping. Since I tend to do a healthy amount of pre-marital counseling it couldn't hurt to see what it's about. I e-mailed them, and sure enough, it was free and they paid for shipping. So, let me say "thanks" to whoever came up with that idea. I truly appreciate it.

But I think I made a mistake.

See...I checked up on the other bloggers who reviewed it before I wrote my review after I finished the book.

I read words like:

Fresh!
Fantastic!
If my daughter did what this book recommends I'd be thrilled!
Solid and biblical rationale!
I felt like I'd been handed a very important document and better handle it with care!
Great book!
This book is a radical shift!
Refreshingly realistic!
If you're dating, you NEED to get this book!

It goes on. Suffice to say that it seems logical that someone who is giving away free books on their website would have people who are predisposed to know and like the author...and I'm not kidding when I say that the first 50 people who show up when you Google this book were all highly complimentary in their reviews.

And, frankly, some of the praise is warranted.

First of all, the author does write in an style that is "accessible." My teenage daughters could read this book and get some good stuff out of it...as could a middle-aged pastor. I like his engaging style.

Secondly, I enjoyed the way the book started: With a focus on walking with God as the first and foremost part of your life. I thought this quote was excellent: "I'd never tell you to seek the One because you desire a marriage that goes all the way. You seek Jesus because of who He is, not to get something from Him." The author built a very solid foundation to build his book on.

The major strength of the book is found in the practicality in application. Like pages 90-92, on some warning signs for relationships, which include listening to what your friends/parents say regarding someone you're dating. Or if they have bad relationships with their parents, or aren't wise with money. Very practical advice. And the strongest chapter in the book for similar lines of thought is chapter 5: Sexual Mythology. The author discusses the benefits of sexual purity and the societal/cultural myths that cause Christians to question their standards. In addition, he gives some pretty helpful ways to stop physical intimacy before one gets started. I read them to my teenage daughter and she thought they were good guidelines, such as "[when you're with someone you're dating] keep four feet on the floor" or "keep everything buttoned and zipped."

However, overall, I didn't find much that was "fresh" or "great" or "radical." And it seemed like the times when the book could've gone in that direction, it didn't.

For example, I thought the author touched on something very insightful (he used illustration from some "joke" boxer shorts that in light said "no, no, no!" and when the lights went off they glowed-in-the-dark "yes, yes, yes!") when he said,

"To add to the problem, most of the time the advice coming from the Christian community is muddled, watered down, and out of touch. It's like the daytime message on my boxers: No! No! No! No! Don't you kids be messin' around. No necking of heavy breathing. No truth or dare. No spin the bottle. No coed swim parties. No. No. No. No.

Then when the church marries a couple, the message instantly changes. With a flip of the switch, it's suddenly YES!.

And the well-intentioned young couple does their best to unlearn all of the church's negative, uninformed impression about sex in one night.

Good luck."

Then he's on to the next thought. If he'd wanted to get fresh or radical or whatever this was an excellent place to do that. How do we, as a church, help our young people in this area? I think that's a great question: How do young people remain Spirit-led and have a healthy sensual upbringing? The author exposed a wonderful issue and then left it.

Another weakness is that he never used the Biblical definition of marriage found in Genesis 2: To leave father and mother, to cleave to your spouse and become one flesh. How many issues do we face in leaving father and mother? What does that "look" like? What issues with identity are a young couple going to face? What does it mean to become one flesh with someone? These are all vitally important. I mean, if you're going to prepare for marriage...shouldn't one define what it is that they're getting into? Yes. He quoted the verse on page 115, but never explained it or brought up any issues those realities might expose.

The author also isn't very fresh or radical or whatever when he ever-so-lightly deals with Ephesians 5. How cliche can someone be than to say that it doesn't mean to be "barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen" when it comes to the idea of Biblical submission. Yes, he says most Christian teaching on the matter is more chauvinistic than Biblical, but I don't know anybody anymore who teaches submission that way. All you have to do is talk about Ephesians 5 in context and it's actually very freeing...largely because the context shows that you submit to one-another as you walk in the Spirit. The issue is NOT relationship, but rather government.

And all the stuff that gets left out of crucial preparation for marriage when you leave out that chapter is staggering. What does it mean to love your wife like Christ loved the church? What does it mean to present your wife holy and blameless? What does it mean to love your wife as you love yourself? Why doesn't it ever say that a woman is to love her spouse? Why does it say a wife is to respect her husband? How do those realities play out in the day-to-day existence of a marriage? How come 1 Peter 3 is never mentioned, either?

The issue of individuals choosing to walk in the Spirit (or choosing to walk in the flesh, for that matter) from Galatians 5:16ff, the issue of expectations/giving thanks in all circumstances, or love being a choice that results in emotions rather than an emotion in and of itself...

...I could go on.

But it seems to me that this book highlights a more "common sense" approach rather than looking at what Scripture says and dealing with as many of the issues it exposes in our culture...whether you're a teenager dating somebody seriously or a middle-age pastor who has been married two decades.

So, Craig & staff: Thanks for the free book. I do like your style and ability to communicate, which made for a tool that I can find some supplementary ways to use as I engage in pre-marital counsel. But above and beyond that, thanks for the work you do for the Kingdom. I'm very glad your ministry exists and that we're members of the Tribe.

I simply didn't think the book was all it could/should be...my complaints aren't really all that much regarding what you did say as what you didn't (even if what you didn't is crucial)...which is WAY more than I've ever done. And, by comparison, that's no big deal at all.